COMING UP ON 30 SOMETHING.....
I read Emily's blog today and suddenly realized I am no longer in my early 20's. Saying I am in my early 20's is no longer a legitimate excuse for not having my life exactly in order, still playing video games, and not being settled or grounded or whatever those stupid standards of "grown up" are that I have invented in my mind.
It's sad to say good bye to my early 20's and the crutch of the early 20's excuses. However, it is time to start realizing that I am not always going to be in my 20's and that the older I get the more time will fly by on me. So many anxieties and thoughts come to mind. I am excited to grow a bit older, but dread loosing my youthfulness. I look forward to the future, but fear my life is meaningless or not "put together" as it should be. The idea of being young and having lots of time ahead of us is pleasant in so many ways, but scary at the same time. I am not THAT young anymore and as I said earlier, time is getting harder to hold on to. The pace of our busy lives speeds the hands of the clock and next thing you know you are 30 or 40 or maybe even 50.
I remember thinking that 30 was so far away, but now 30 is only 3 1/2 years away. 3 1/2 years used to seem like a life time when you were counting the days until you graduated, but when you are looking back at how over night you became 26, 3 1/2 years seems like a flash.
You know when I am 30, my nephew will be 5 years old. What will he have to say of his aunt at 5 years old? Will he know me when he is 5? No, will he really know me? Will I ever learn to take the time out of my life to make time to spend with him? Or how bout my then 3 year old niece?
Will I finally own a home at 30? Will I be living in Brooklyn at 30? Will I still be with this company when I am 30? Well, God only knows what will become of me over the next 3 1/2 years. I have to live in the day and do the best I can for myself each day.
How does this relate to CR? Well, I am not really 100% sure, but I do know this; at the age of 30, I hope to be a CR practitioner. I hope that over the course of the next 3 1/2 years, I will continue on my CR journey, learning more of the scientific data, becoming more comfortable with my CR diet, exercising, supplementing, etc. I hope that CR has become my life and not so much a practice. I want CR to be just as natural as Friday pizza night used to be in my life.
You know when I go to AA meetings, I am always greeted by a group of like minded alcoholics that have their (pardon my french) shit together. But what does it mean to say that you have your shit together? I mean, I have a good job, a great apartment, friends, a loving family, and the best darn dog in all of Brooklyn. Just as I am writing this post, I am realizing that all the things I thought had to be in place by time I was 30, kinda are. That's a great feeling.
Why is it that I want more? Why is that I can not recognize and appreciate how great my life is? I guess honestly I know that between the lines lies some issues I know I need to work on, but I have to remember that life is an on going learning process. I am not going to wake up one day 30 and life be perfect.
Okay enough useless rambling....
6 comments:
I'm a little older than you, and I know exactly what you mean. Three years til 30, sheesh. But! Just think how much healthier we'll be compared to other 30-year-olds after CRONing for another three years! Yay!
I turned 30 this year and it was...well, weird. I just don't know where the time went. If I could go back and change anything, I think it would be to really try to be in the moment and enjoy the ride. I spent a lot of time in my head (ok too much time) and was always looking to the future rather than just being present.
You are way ahead of most 26yr olds and doing great! Christina is right, you'll be a CR pro by 30!
Carolyn, I think you're doing a great job. But remember to keep your focus on the present: CR will hopefully get you more present to live, and the program should show you how to live it.
Oh to be 30 again! You're doing great Carolyn. By the time I was 30, I had been married and divorced twice and had a 5-year-old son to raise by myself. I didn't even stop drinking until I was 34. I'm less than 3 years away from 50 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! And I'm not even eating healthy! Yes, DO take the time to enjoy the children because they will be grown up and on their own before you know it!
I liked turned 30. It was a huge relief. I never much liked the "scene" you have in the 20's so crossing 30 felt like coming home. You'll see :)
best - J
I didn't think I'd finally arrived in adulthood until I was about 35. I'm still not all grown up yet (though I know it does appear that I am. Two kids, 16 year marriage etc..etc..) but it's a wonderful milestone to reach, nothing to be shocked or worried about. I felt that my thirties was when everything just kind of fell into place and life made sense. It's a great time!
:-D
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