BLOGGER CONFESSIONS
Why do we blog? Why do we share our stories of success and "failure"? Maybe the Catholics were on to something with that whole confessional thing. I dunno. Not into organized religion myself, but I do find that the more I admit to myself and to others my rights and wrongs, the clearer the path to success becomes. It's easier to recognize where I have failed and how I can fix or repair the situation.
I could write a book of confessions from this past weekend. I had friends in town visiting from NC and things got crazy. We had a freakin blast, which I desperately needed and although typically I would harbor regrets for some of my actions, I have none.
So obviously when you have friends in town, you eat out. So, we ate out and I honestly didn't pay attention to what I was eating. It was so weird because my friends were here, but my boss/dispatch manager was out of town, so I was having to maintain my regular duties as well as run the whole company. Time was just all out of whack. When we ate, it was so random. I have been on such a really strict schedule and routine of eating (okay aside from some of those early sober oreo nights). I ate things like a burger, some fries, some nachos (disgusting), I had sugar in my coffee, a pop tart. A lot of weird food.
However, I did get my exercise. This weekend, I transformed into.....
THE DANCING QUEEN!!!!
Yeah, that's me, the Dancing Queen.
I have not been out dancing in SO long. I used to dance all the time, but my last relationship was with a woman that didn't and honestly, really couldn't dance and after our breakup, I really haven't been out much in a "dancing" scene.
Not only the dancing, but we did a good bit of walking. Really not as much walking as I am used to. We traveled around by train and car quite a bit because the sidewalks were so bad and it was SO cold.
So pop tart or not, at least I burned a few extra calories.
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Confession # 101
I drank this weekend. Nothing too terrible and I do not even really feel guilty about falling off the wagon, but I did drink and I did loose my 32 day count.
I feel really mixed about this. I didn't get too crazy, didn't do any drugs, didn't spend my rent money on buying the whole bar shots, but I did drink. I felt like I had a lot of control this weekend, but my past tells me this will not last. I know how I am. I know that I am "allergic" to alcohol and even though this weekend was successful, it won't last.
But, GOD I HAD FUN!!!!
4 comments:
Carolyn, seems like ages!
It is really true, you know yourself very well. What you do with this knowledge and how you respond this, will be a true test. I'm hopeful that you will move past this weekend, let it go as a fun time and continue on the path that you have found that is so good for you and to you! You felt in control? Why that's wonderful! Don't discount this. You have so much more knowledge and support now than you ever did. Use it, go with it. Keep that good feeling. No reason why you can't continue your count. 2 out of 33 (I'm counting today of course) WOW!!! What a great job. Congratulations on doing so well. You are STILL on the road of recovery. Still there.
As always,
;-D
Remind me to tell you the story about living in an "ABBA" house in Sweden. We can talk Dancing Queen forever!!
Woo-Hoo! So glad you had a well deserved awesome, care-free weekend! I can't remember the last time I went dancing (in the living room w/my 2 yr old doesn't count). Anyhoo, it is great you're feeling in control. Take it one day at a time. You go C!
I'm glad you had such a good weekend! I think it's great that you don't feel guilty, and I bet you'll feel even better when you get back on track - you'll know that an off weekend doesn't throw your overall plans at all.
Still... your "confession" made for fun reading.
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