GRATITUDE


There are SO many things to be grateful for. I could make a list a mile long, but here I will post my CR gratitude.

I am grateful for:

Egg Whites
Almonds
Veggie Proteins
CR bloggers (you know who you are!)
Cron O Meter
Skinny Jeans that finally fit!


Okay so you get the idea. I am just feeling a profound sense of gratitude and learning that positive energy attracts positive energy. Keeping my spirits up and reflecting the negative keep me on a good CR track. Nothing worse that eating pizza because your boss pissed you off and you just felt crappy and "aw fuck it" all over.

Have a great weekend!!!

IN NEED OF A DR. PHIL MOMENT


Thanks so much to the "Divine Miss M" for writing and sharing her very personal feelings yesterday. http://divine-miss-m.blogspot.com/ Please, everyone should read this post. I really NEEDED to read this post myself.

I wanted desperately to post yesterday and just SCREAM about how much I absolutely hated my job, but most importantly my boss. My boss and I are at times very close, like pals, actually even flat mates (we live in the same building, different apartments). We are with each other SO much during the day and night that sometimes I think we are married. It's odd. Every meal we have together, morning coffee, we say good night to each other, the only exception, I guess would be sex. (obviously joking!)

To sort of tie this into Miss M's post, here's a sample of what she wrote;

"When my partner does something that irritates me, which happens a lot because our personalities are pretty much orthogonal to each other, I try to 1. think through what just happened, maybe have a little whinge about it if I'm in a space where that can be done without goading him or getting myself into a negative spiral (i.e. online), 2. decide if I can deal with it now or not, then 3. put it aside if I can't. What's the negative spiral? That's the place where I keep going over things in my head endlessly without anything changing. I try to set a time limit so I don't do that. Why? Because I've learned there's very little in life we have actual control over, especially when it comes to other people. I've carried around a lot of anger/guilt until the penny dropped... I can't change the past. I can't change someone else's actions or thoughts. I can only change myself and it's going to be hard enough work doing that."

My boss has been irritating me a lot lately. His attitude, his priorities, his choices, his seemingly paranoid ways. I am just absolutely irritated with him all the time lately and I think that all these things he does or is effects me in some way.

I have been doing great with CR lately. Absolutely great, especially after my relaxing weekend at home. Well yesterday was one of those annoying as hell boss days. My food intake was right on the mark. I had packed a beautiful lunch, but did I eat it? HELL NO. I was harboring a lot of anger and resentment for him yesterday, went out to grab a diet Mt. Dew and grabbed a slice of greasy pizza with it. Now the pizza grabbing in my mind became his fault too. If he didn't stress me out so much, I could cope and eat right.

Ridiculous? Well it took me reading Miss M's post to realize how ridiculous I was being. I have to be able to separate his life from mine a bit better. I have to realize the mistakes he makes in business, his personal life, etc. are his and not mine. Although they may frustrate me, it honestly does impact my life either way. I guess if he chose to run the company to the ground, I would be without a job, but I am sure I would bounce back quickly or have plenty of fair warning and be able to move on, no sweat.

I need to be able to let things go. That is something too I am working on with my AA sponsor. I am at the very early stages of sobriety and have yet to really work the 12 steps, but I am eager to do so. I am ready to fill my "tool box", too.

Yesterday didn't end so bad on the eating front. Even with my pizza, I ended my day around 1600 calories, which I probably needed, however a bit more nutrition wouldn't have hurt! The two prior days I was around 1300 and April tells me based on my height and current weight, I need 1600 to stay healthy. I have lost a bit of weight again, bringing my yearly total to 21 lbs. I have so much to be thankful for.

Thanks so much to Miss M and to the other supportive CRON bloggers.

COM CRASH

So I kinda procrastinated on doing the most recent COM update. Sometimes my laptop wireless connection is slow, I leave COM open 24/7 and just didn't think it was all too important.

Well COM let me know just how important it was by giving me some silly error message and wiping out all my data!!!

Has this happened to anyone else? Does anyone suggest a back up system of some sort?

The good news, the oreo's have disappeared from my COM data base forever, but so has all the other good bits too.

Starting over!

CILANTRO AND MORE CILANTRO



I am so jealous of the girls that were able to go meet with April this weekend. Although close, there was just no way I could make it and ended up having a much needed relaxing weekend.
Good thing, as this last week at work before my departure to the Dominican Republic is going to be crazy busy.

Saturday, Pabst and I slept in until about 10 am!! This is absolutely unheard of for me, but oops I did it again on Sunday too. We went out for a nice long walk and got home around 1 pm. After that, our day was filled (or mine rather) with some good old scrubbing. I had not had a chance to really scrub down the apartment since my friend's had come up to visit the weekend before, so it was really needed. I guess I was in "spring" cleaning mode, because I did everything, down to the windows and even scrubbed the floors and base boards by hand. I love Murphy's Oil Soap!!

Then I had to run errands, go to the bank, etc and ended my day with a 7 pm AA meeting at the gay and lesbian center.

I crashed with popcorn when I got home. Not a 100% nutritious snack, but filling and not too bad on the calories, especially home popped, no butter added.

Today was CR prep day after our usual long morning walk. I do SO much better when I have taken time on Sunday to plan, prepare, and cook for the following week. Here are some of the highlights;

Roasted Veggies
Gazpacho (thanks Em)
Green Cakes (thanks April)
Crust less Pumpkin Pie
Broiled Turkey Burgers
Broiled Turkey Breast
Egg White Salad

Just about everything had cilantro added. It was on sale and beautiful and I love the flavor! Waste not want not. I am also going to make a bok choi, cabbage, and collard soup when I get home tonight. These are all made with 2-4 servings and will last through the week without worry of spoiling. Some is frozen and some in the fridge.

I am proud of what I did today. I have even sort of planned things out in the COM, too. So I really do not even have to think. Just look it up, pack it, and go!

Well I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend. I can't wait to read everyone else's post about the CR girls weekend. THANKS again for the support!

TIRED, TIRED, TIRED

That's my theme for the last week. I am just plain old tired!!! I attribute the lethargic feeling to eating pretty crappy. I have easily been able to maintain a calorie level below 1600-1700 calories per day, but I am a wee bit (or miles) away from the "ON".

Here's the break down of crappy foods:

Sugar in my coffee
Milk in my coffee
1 slice of pizza
peanut butter and jelly on a pita
Cheese nips

Now I didn't go over board with anything and I know this is vast improvement from where I used to be, but still I would like to live life without these distractions. I guess what is also SO frustrating is that I know I have the will power to resist these things and they are not a necessity. I just have been on a pity party path, thinking I need or deserve these items because I am stressed or tired or frustrated.

Things at work have been loosening up a bit. Mostly because I have been speaking my mind a bit. My boss and I got into an argument about a project that he has been expecting me to finish. I have been waiting on a bit of direction from him. Actually our last agreement was that after his vacation we would meet and discuss the expectations of the project and then I would finish it. I think in his haste he forgot that discussion and just assumed the project would be finished. When I pointed this out, things were okay and we got to work on our discussion. I would never do this before. I would just be pissed off, harboring ill feelings. So I am glad to see a change taking place and it certainly lightens the burden a bit.

I am also feeling a bit better about my recovery. My sponsor and I have come to terms a bit better on our expectations of each other and communication is becoming slowly easier for me. I am forcing myself to really rely on the program and not just be a fly on the wall at meetings.

With a bit of needed rest this weekend and time to focus on preparing some simple dishes that can be used throughout the week, I am hopeful that next week will be a bit easier at fighting off those pity cravings. It's one day at a time for me.

THE EGG WHITES ARE BACK!!!

I have no idea why, but I really like to ask people for advice and find ways to defy them. April has told me time and time again, that in her opinion an egg white breakfast has been the foundation to her good healthy CR daily routine. I did the whole egg white thing for the first month I was doing CR and then slowly just stopped having breakfast all together.

However, now I am noticing that not having a solid CR breakfast and going into the evening at a lower calorie level is leading to those nightly sugar cravings as well. When I was in my egg white routine, I hardly ever wanted anything to eat at night. Now, I always want something, so I end up having a late dinner and an even later snack.

I work late hours and stay out of the house even later at my AA meetings. I would like from now on to have an early breakfast, high in protein, good fats and a decent calorie punch, a good lunch and healthy snacks during day and maybe skip dinner all together. It just doesn't make sense to me to have dinner at 9 pm. I can probably fit all my calories in by time I leave my office at 7 pm. Just requires more packing and preparing, but I am used to that now.

Another thing:

VEGGIES!!

I have been anti veg for the last week or so. I really have a hard time cooking them and liking them. I am out of salad mode, unless it is made at a restaurant. What is that all about? The one time I cook veggies and actually like them is when I make soup and now that it's starting to get warmer, I am less likely to be fond of eating soup.

Recipes anyone?

BLOGGER CONFESSIONS



Why do we blog? Why do we share our stories of success and "failure"? Maybe the Catholics were on to something with that whole confessional thing. I dunno. Not into organized religion myself, but I do find that the more I admit to myself and to others my rights and wrongs, the clearer the path to success becomes. It's easier to recognize where I have failed and how I can fix or repair the situation.

I could write a book of confessions from this past weekend. I had friends in town visiting from NC and things got crazy. We had a freakin blast, which I desperately needed and although typically I would harbor regrets for some of my actions, I have none.

So obviously when you have friends in town, you eat out. So, we ate out and I honestly didn't pay attention to what I was eating. It was so weird because my friends were here, but my boss/dispatch manager was out of town, so I was having to maintain my regular duties as well as run the whole company. Time was just all out of whack. When we ate, it was so random. I have been on such a really strict schedule and routine of eating (okay aside from some of those early sober oreo nights). I ate things like a burger, some fries, some nachos (disgusting), I had sugar in my coffee, a pop tart. A lot of weird food.

However, I did get my exercise. This weekend, I transformed into.....

THE DANCING QUEEN!!!!

Yeah, that's me, the Dancing Queen.

I have not been out dancing in SO long. I used to dance all the time, but my last relationship was with a woman that didn't and honestly, really couldn't dance and after our breakup, I really haven't been out much in a "dancing" scene.

Not only the dancing, but we did a good bit of walking. Really not as much walking as I am used to. We traveled around by train and car quite a bit because the sidewalks were so bad and it was SO cold.

So pop tart or not, at least I burned a few extra calories.

----------------

Confession # 101

I drank this weekend. Nothing too terrible and I do not even really feel guilty about falling off the wagon, but I did drink and I did loose my 32 day count.

I feel really mixed about this. I didn't get too crazy, didn't do any drugs, didn't spend my rent money on buying the whole bar shots, but I did drink. I felt like I had a lot of control this weekend, but my past tells me this will not last. I know how I am. I know that I am "allergic" to alcohol and even though this weekend was successful, it won't last.

But, GOD I HAD FUN!!!!

COMING UP ON 30 SOMETHING.....

I read Emily's blog today and suddenly realized I am no longer in my early 20's. Saying I am in my early 20's is no longer a legitimate excuse for not having my life exactly in order, still playing video games, and not being settled or grounded or whatever those stupid standards of "grown up" are that I have invented in my mind.

It's sad to say good bye to my early 20's and the crutch of the early 20's excuses. However, it is time to start realizing that I am not always going to be in my 20's and that the older I get the more time will fly by on me. So many anxieties and thoughts come to mind. I am excited to grow a bit older, but dread loosing my youthfulness. I look forward to the future, but fear my life is meaningless or not "put together" as it should be. The idea of being young and having lots of time ahead of us is pleasant in so many ways, but scary at the same time. I am not THAT young anymore and as I said earlier, time is getting harder to hold on to. The pace of our busy lives speeds the hands of the clock and next thing you know you are 30 or 40 or maybe even 50.

I remember thinking that 30 was so far away, but now 30 is only 3 1/2 years away. 3 1/2 years used to seem like a life time when you were counting the days until you graduated, but when you are looking back at how over night you became 26, 3 1/2 years seems like a flash.

You know when I am 30, my nephew will be 5 years old. What will he have to say of his aunt at 5 years old? Will he know me when he is 5? No, will he really know me? Will I ever learn to take the time out of my life to make time to spend with him? Or how bout my then 3 year old niece?

Will I finally own a home at 30? Will I be living in Brooklyn at 30? Will I still be with this company when I am 30? Well, God only knows what will become of me over the next 3 1/2 years. I have to live in the day and do the best I can for myself each day.

How does this relate to CR? Well, I am not really 100% sure, but I do know this; at the age of 30, I hope to be a CR practitioner. I hope that over the course of the next 3 1/2 years, I will continue on my CR journey, learning more of the scientific data, becoming more comfortable with my CR diet, exercising, supplementing, etc. I hope that CR has become my life and not so much a practice. I want CR to be just as natural as Friday pizza night used to be in my life.

You know when I go to AA meetings, I am always greeted by a group of like minded alcoholics that have their (pardon my french) shit together. But what does it mean to say that you have your shit together? I mean, I have a good job, a great apartment, friends, a loving family, and the best darn dog in all of Brooklyn. Just as I am writing this post, I am realizing that all the things I thought had to be in place by time I was 30, kinda are. That's a great feeling.

Why is it that I want more? Why is that I can not recognize and appreciate how great my life is? I guess honestly I know that between the lines lies some issues I know I need to work on, but I have to remember that life is an on going learning process. I am not going to wake up one day 30 and life be perfect.

Okay enough useless rambling....

RETRACTION

Okay, so yesterday I said I would join in on the 90 day challenge with Robin and Jake to "get in shape". I think I have to retract that statement.

After a lot of thought last night, pros and cons listed out, reading comments from other readers, etc. I came to the conclusion that it's just simply impossible. My daily routine, no matter what I do will not allow for a structured routine exercise program as of yet.

For instance, yesterday I left my house at 7 am, walked to work, worked all day until about 6:15 and then went to my nightly AA meeting. After I left my meeting, I walked back to work to pick up the pooch, and headed home. When I finally got home it was 8:30 pm. Then had to feed the dog, walk him again, feed myself, plan for today's food, make time for a phone call, do some reading and pass out.

My days are long enough right now. My days are filled with physical activity too. I used an online calculator to try and determine just how much exercise I am getting. Based on my current weight, the pace and time of my walks, I am burning somewhere around 175-200 calories each time I walk. That's not half bad. Not bad at all. Here are my list of walks per day:

To work is about 20 minutes or 1.3 miles

Lunch with the pooch. 30 minutes, I have no idea how far.

Pre meeting walk with pooch. Again 30 minutes, I have no idea how far.

To and from a meeting (doesn't really count because it's only a matter of a few blocks)

Home again is about 20 minutes or 1.3 miles.


I am probably averaging about 4-4.5 miles per day.

Now, I know that does nothing for toning up my arms or abs, but I have my weekends to focus on that if I choose, or I can choose to be lazy. My biggest fear of not getting enough needed rest and relaxation is burning out. My alcohol recovery has to be my number one in life right now and I believe the added stress and pressure of an exercise routine is just too much. Call it a cop out if you like, but I know my priorities.

One thing I am going to add to my monthly routine is my old cycling club. They have 2-3 organized rides per month that usually include a dinner or breakfast. I am doing this mostly for some fun social events. Not drinking and being around my beer buddy's has caused me to become a bit antisocial. These events will provide me with some great exercise and some good friends.

Okay enough rambling. To all a good day!

90 DAYS

Okay why does everything that is good for revolve around 90 days? 90 meetings in 90 days, good for sobriety. 90 days of exercising, good for the beach body beautiful contest. HA!

So, I decided to take Jake up on the 90 day challenge, and Robin too! I asked Robin where to sign up and she said, duh, just post it on your blog.

Here, I go. Jake, I accept your challenge!!!

Okay here is my plan:

Mornings before work: 30 minute walk/run with Pabst

After work: 30 minute walk/run with Pabst

3 days a week: 30 minute yoga

4 days a week: Choice between 30 Pilate's or 30 minute abs

Okay so I am cheating a bit. The walk/run thing with the dog I already do, but sometimes no run and sometimes short walks. So my promise is to do a full 30 minutes and to step up the run part little by little each week. Carry a stop watch with me and document the progress.

The yoga and Pilate's is a video I have, or I can opt to go to one of the classes at the YMCA. The ab thing is something I learned from a personal trainer a while ago and it's still in my memory. Oh boy I will be sore!! Can't wait!!

MONDAY

So another weekend under the belt. Weekend was good. I did a lot of sleeping and resting, as well as some cooking and planning. I didn't step foot into my office, take a single work related phone call, nor did I check my work email.

I have been averaging around 1450 calories per day for the last week or so and it seems to be paying off. I have been able to easily shake off any sugar cravings and have allowed myself treats when I can.

Being more grounded in my caloric intake, I can focus a bit more on the nutritional side of things as well. I am finding easy ways to up my calcium and Vitamin D and K intake and am now just struggling a bit with B vitamins. Everything else seems to fall into play nicely now.

Apples. I have been hooked on apples this weekend. It all started when I read this website talking about easy ways to reduce your daily caloric intake. This guys example was that there was no way in heck you could eat 2000 calories of apples per day, but could easily consume that many calories through a bag of chips or some chocolate. So, I bought some beautiful gala apples at the market over the weekend and snacked on them with babybel FF cheese. Delicious and decadent. The apples are perfect. Huge and firm. Tart, but sweet. Juicy and did I say DELICIOUS?!! Apples and cheese will be my snack for today too. I am getting that mouth watering excitement now just thinking about it!

Everything is as follows:

Breakfast: 16 oz black coffee
1/4 cup almonds
1/8 cup sunflower seeds

Snack: 4 oz. FF cottage cheese
96 grams celery
98 grams baby carrots

Lunch: Turkey Chili (YUM)
1 tablespoon FF sour cream
1 dannon light and fit

Snack: Gala Apple
2 pieces of babybel FF cheese

That brings me up just below 1000. I will have a coffee at my evening meeting and follow that with some bok choy and turkey stir fry for dinner. Followed by either yogurt or cereal snack, time permitting.

Okay gang, well good luck to everyone on yet another new week.

SUCCESS AND SUPPORT

How big of a role does support play in being successful? Are you any more likely to obtain something or succeed at a goal if you go it alone or with a group of like minded individuals?

In my personal opinion and with no scientific evidence or proof, I think we are much more likely to succeed at virtually anything we set our minds to when we rely on the help and support of others that either believe in what we are doing or are also attempting the same task.

I have grown up bull headed, falsely independent, and stubborn. I have never liked to rely on the support and advice of others. Admitting the need for help and support was a sure sign of weakness.

I am learning through my current CRON experience and through my AA readings (can't say meetings because I am still a bit stubborn and haven't been) that accepting support, help, faith, what have you is very important. Finding a strength in something that is greater than yourself to carry you through the pitfalls and down days really makes the difference between success and something a little less than success.

These daily blogs that people read, write and comment on are a major part of my recovery as an alcoholic and as a someone that has led a less than healthy lifestyle. I rely on this blog to fess up about my poor habits and to receive support on how to pick myself back up. I rely on readers. I rely on the other blogs writers. I rely on the comments. A bit abnormal to some people that do not struggle with the same things, I will admit. But it works for me.

Thank you all to the other CRON bloggers that are out their sharing your experiences from day to day, whether it be a WaWa egg white crisis or office gak foods staring you down. I can relate and learn from your experiences the tools necessary to make CRON successful for me.

It's the beginning of a small (but weird) online family. No matter what the crisis, your CRON blogger friends can step in, leave a comment, maybe a :) on your blog and all is right with the world. Fertility, exercise, boyfriend and girlfriend problems, work issues, etc., etc., etc. The list goes on and on.

I'm in awe at much some of you care about your fellow bloggers. It's special and a bit sappy (or maybe that's just me!).

ONE DONUT OR TWO?

So things in CR land are going just dandy. I have been eating very well this week and still I am shrinking. Work has been crazy busy as usual and for some reason, I have not made an AA meeting at all this week, again. Not sure what's up with that and I will go tonight. At least I am not pounding PBR's though.

Okay I have been thinking for the last couple of days about idle snacking or binging while reading Emily's and other CR blogger's post. It can be some what intimidating to read the CRON blogger's diaries at time. I think we all strive for perfection, but something we forget is that CR does not require absolute perfection to be successful. CR has loop wholes. CR allows cheating. CR is great!

Obviously we strive to have optimal nutrition daily and to rid ourselves of junky treats, sugary sodas, and heavy refined carbohydrates. However, if we must at some point (or mentally must), then we do it and move on. CR does not provide us with a strict list of guideline, do's and don't, and no no's. We are able to cater our CR lifestyle to our personal preferences. Just look at the variety of diets throughout the blogs. Some eat fruit, some don't. Some have bread, some don't. Some have cereal, some don't. And some of us even think sardines are tasty, most do not.

Another great loop whole in CR is the ability to average or find a mean. So you have a junky day. You log it in. You do a 30 day summary and you know, it doesn't look at that bad. Or if it does, you restrict a bit more for a few days, do another summary, and you can see how easy it was to turn that negative gak day into a month of success.

CR is forgiving. CR is a life style, not a fad diet. Fad diets fail. CR is successful. CR is a positive life change.

Today at work we had a 6 am meeting and training with you labor staff. My boss went to Dunkin Donuts and picked up a vat of coffee and 1000 donuts for all. At first, I thought I would shy away from the donuts and not have one. But I really wanted one. So, I had one. Just one. Now, I am not ashamed or embarrassed anymore to log this into my COM or to fess up about it on my blog. Because I have made a positive life change that allows me to be who I am and have flexibility in my life.

The old Carolyn would have had 3 donuts. That's something to be proud of. The old Carolyn would be miserable and mad at herself and would continue the day with junk as a form of the "aw fuck it" (thanks Chris) attitude. The new Carolyn has the tools necessary to balance that one donut into her daily routine and NOT feel guilty or cheated.

I am proud of the changes I see taking shape in myself. I have a lot to be thankful for! I am loving the idea that this change will continue. One day I will completely resist the donut. One day I will crave asparagus as much as I crave Oreo's. One day at a time I am making positive changes in my life that will last a life time.

Emily, you are doing great and have a lot to be thankful for. You are SO smart and seem like such a kind and caring person. CRON will come for all of us in time. Please, if you are starting CRON or have been at this a long time, try to see the good in everyday, even if that day included a donut.

CR PLAN

Isn't it funny how with CR there is always a "plan"? I like the plan. The more I plan, the better I feel and the greater my chances of success. However, sometimes life doesn't allow time for planning. Or well that's what I like to tell myself. I read April's post about stress and taking care of her self. What a great post. If you haven't read it, get your butt over there now! My post will not be nearly as enlightening or interesting, and you can always come back and finish mine later!

So I started thinking about the things I can do in my life to reduce stress and be more in tune with my body's needs. Here's a short list:

• Define barriers at work - I need to adopt a schedule and stick with it. This 7 days a week, 13 + hours a day crap is for the birds.
• Attend an AA meeting at least 5 days a week.
• Gym 3 days a week.
• 1 Hour each evening planning my meals/vitamins for the following day
• 1 Hour a day for reading
• 6-8 hours of sleep per night.

Some of these things may sound trivial and just stupid, but I am not doing them or I am attempting to squeeze them into my busy work schedule and it's just not satisfying, but just more stress.

Work is a real problem. I think there is this child inside of me that is a struggling people pleaser that just can't draw the line between right and wrong with my time and work. I have been begging my boss to meet with me about my work expectations, goals, schedule, etc. I think if I just had a better since of where I stood with my job and my expectations as an employee I could relax and not necessarily feel like I need to be a slave to my job to keep my job. Understand what I am saying?

So, I feel like if I can balance my job a bit then I will definitely have more time to do the things that help the spiritual and emotional me. Like making my meetings. I haven't made a meeting since last Monday. That is HORRIBLE. Thankfully I have not drank or abused, but I am feeling "dry" inside.

Last night despite the fact that I didn't get home from work until after 8:30 pm (went in at 6:30am), I forced myself to take a few minutes and 1st (of course) do a bit of house cleaning (a clean house is like zen to me), then I spent a good bit of time entering in my COM info for the day. I decided I would cook dinner (9 pm!) and have the left overs for lunch today. I spent quite a bit of time playing with COM and the "What to Eat" link on Robin's page planning today's eats and I am very satisfied with my plan. Again, having a plan = success for me!

I stayed up too late, so I only got 5 hours of sleep last night, but I feel fine and ready for another long day. I have to make it a point to get the right amount of sleep per night from now on though.

My gym plan is going to be three days a week. My gym is pretty far away. I have to walk 3 miles round trip to go, which is not that bad distance wise, it's just again the time issue. I am going to try for the next couple of weeks just going on Weds night which is the one night that I usually do not go to an AA meeting and to spend good time on both Saturday and Sunday there. If that goes well and it seems possible, I may start trying to go early on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

You know I do not have to be at work at the butt crack of dawn. I really do not have to be here until 9 am. I just like to come in a couple of hours early to finish all my paper work and take care of extra stuff (like blogging). Going to the gym in the morning is very feasible.

Okay so this is a really long winded post with nothing all too interesting in it, but my blog is my diary and it will be good to look back at this post later to see if I really attempted or succeeded at making some of these time management changes. Thanks for reading!

SUNDAY RECAP

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Well I got up early and headed into the office to send my crews out for the day. What a complete disaster. I swear my boss is SO unorganized and the men he hires are so bottom of the barrel, it's no wonder he is stressed and over worked all the time. I mean sometimes there is value in spending a penny more up front. Okay well that's a different blog.

After finally getting the guys out on the road, I headed to the new YMCA in my area. I am transferring my membership FINALLY! I havent lived in the old hood since July and I certainly wasn't commuting for the sake of the Y, more like paying unnecessary membership fees. Yesterday I spent 25 minutes on the bike in fat burner mode. The did the rounds on all the weight machines. Not feeling 100% confident about what I am doing, but I got a book and I am using that plus the help of a good friend to figure out what I need to be doing. I am excited!

It also helps that it is a 3 mile round trip walk to and from the gym. That provides me with a great warm up and cool down. I walk like a monkey running away from fire, so I know I am definitely burning a bit more calories. I wanted to do the research on that this weekend, but just didn't.

When I finally got home on Sunday after the gym, I crashed. Well not right away but eventually. I had all these hopes of doing some good reading for my AA group and for CR, but I just really felt like hell. I do not think I have quite gotten over the flu bug that I had. I still have a bit of a cough and congestion and I think even a bit of a fever yesterday, but I didn't check to be absolutely sure.

Here is how food went. Pretty good up until the end, but still within my 1600 calorie budget.

After gym breakfast/lunch (I think they call this brunch!): 1.5 cups Kashi Go Lean with 1/2 cup vanilla soy milk. (too tired to cook an egg!)

Late Lunch: Pita with turkey, romaine, tomato, FF cheddar, mustard and a large gala apple

Dinner: Egg white omelet with some pieces of left over steak, peppers and onions, and FF cheese

So what's missing? almonds, yogurt, flax, calcium chews, veggies. Not a great CR day. And to top it off; I had a slice of red velvet cake with cream cheese icing for desert! Not too small a piece either, so I put it in as two large slices on the COM to compensate.

Totals:

1339 calories
80 grams protein
177 grams carbs
45 grams lipids

Vitamins and minerals were obviously low for the day. Really not good because with being sick or fighting off the rest of this cold/flu, I feel I should be doing everything possible to get those extra B's and other vitamins. I just do not have the energy to fix stuff.

However, today is another day and I have good plans. With almonds, yogurt, calcium chews, and flax in hand I go into another day, ready to battle!

I LOVE BEAUTIFUL WEATHER!

Today was an absolutely wonderful day to be in Brooklyn! Pabst and I had a blast. We started our day by going into the office. Then around 11 am, his foster father called to announce that Pabst' presence was requested at the vet's office for his booster shot. So we all piled into JT's car and headed over. Me and Pabst, Matt and CJ (dog), and JT and Mayb (dog). It was our first reunion since the litter had been slit up and we had a really great time.

CJ and Mayb took a bit longer with the vet because they had to do a full check up. So Pabst proved his chick magnet skills why we waited. He was the star of the office and the side walk out front. Everyone loved him and doted all over him with love and praises. I was a very very proud mommy today.

When we were finished up, the group separated and Pabst and I took a stroll to Fort Green park to visit with my sponsor and her daughter. The park was full of kids playing ball, adults playing ball, the old guys sitting and sharing gossip. It was great. The air was fresh, their was a great little breeze and was sunny and bright enough that I finally got to dig out my shades again.

We got home and I dashed out for a hair cut and some grocery shopping. Pabst was SO wiped out when I opened his kennel door, he just looked at me with that "you gotta be kidding me" tired look.

Food went well today. I didnt eat breakfast, but packed some almonds (which I still have not eaten) and grabbed a low cal wrap at Subway at about 2 pm. For dinner I had another low cal wrap with turkey, tomatoes, lettuce, mustard (homemade) and some of my salmon chili I made the other night. A little fishy but not bad.

So the almonds will be a night time snack with some yogurt. Pretty low cal day, but yesterday and the day before were a bit high, so the last three days average out to 1450 cals per day. Still a little on the low side.

I am feeling very comfortable with the whole no alcohol thing now. I am not having many physical cravings for that or for the sweet substitute, so I think this week I am going to start buckling down on CRON. I want to really work towards not going over 1600 calories any day this week and to also be sure that I am getting the correct amount of vitamins and minerals.

So I have some planning ahead of me, but otherwise what in the hell else am I going to do. You know the one major down side to not drinking; being home ALOT! I am able to easily fill my days with things to do; work, walking with Pabst, visiting day time friends, shopping, laundry, etc. But nights are hard. I should probably be going to more meetings, but I am really pooped, but have this inner dork in me telling me I am a dork and should be out with friends. My friends are all drinkers though. Heavy drinkers. At dinner, bars, home, everywhere and I just do not want to be around it right now. Not until I am ready.

So for tonight; I cleaned the apartment AGAIN, blogged AGAIN, will shower AGAIN, read AGAIN, walk the dog AGAIN, and sleep AGAIN. Any ideas?

"TELL ME...WHY ARE YOU DISAPPEARING?"

That's what my boss said to me this morning, in his cute little broken English voice when we were having our little morning pow wow. I was proud! He finally is able to notice I have lost a bit of weight. Me too! My clothes had been fitting a bit better and better all the time, but the mere 10 lbs I lost on the scales didn't seem like much a few weeks ago. Especially considering I weighed a good 200 lbs.

Well this morning after his comment, I decided to take a look at the scales again and low and behold an additional 8 lbs had fallen off for a total of 18 lbs since Jan 1!

I don't think that 18 lbs over the last couple of months is too dramatic because of my size. If I was much thinner, I would be concerned obviously.

I am actually quite surprised, because I have had quite a few ad lib days. Just imagine if I had not screwed up all those times, or maybe the way too look at is; my body needed me to screw up in an obscure way. Like maybe I was trying to restrict too much and I need to up my calories to maintain healthy weight loss.

So somethings must be evaluated.

In other news;

I am feeling much better today. Thank you all for your "get well" wishes. You know it has been a while since I have been really sick. My boss will confirm for you that I have called in sick many times before, but I will tell you, that was mostly from being hung over. I can certainly say that I am glad not to be hung over, but I am not too sure I would trade in being sick like I was the last couple of days for that.

I am still a bit weak. I ate well yesterday or should I say I ate. Not necessarily nutritionally well, but I certainly had my fill. Last night I made a quick salmon chili. The recipe from the post a couple of days ago and I will have that for lunch. Almonds and yogurt for snack and we shall see what happens for dinner.

Thanks, again for the "Get wells!" Hope everyone is having a great Friday!

IN RESPONSE...


Al left this comment on my blog yesterday;

"As I mentioned recently, seems that lots of CRON bloggers have been sick the last few months. I know that goes against the CR mantra of everyone feeling great on CR but it's true. If you read back the last couple of months on the blogs you'll see that almost everyone is sick at one time or another.I'm not saying there's a causal relationship -- but it sure makes you wonder."

Al thanks so much for posting your "Get wells". I appreciate every one's comments and today, yes I am feeling much better, though I think I am staying out of the office one more day, just to be absolutely certain I am okay.

I think Al may be on to something and on the other hand, maybe not.

Let's break it down.

First off I am VERY new to CRON and actually do not follow it so strictly. I hardly ever get 100% of all my RDA's and my calories are not so restricted for longevity, more for just weight loss. I plan to restrict a lot more once I drop some weight and learn quite a bit more.

Also I have practically destroyed my body and immune system over the course of the last couple of years. Similarly to Emily by not eating for days at a time, over exercising, and then binging. But unlike Emily, I also chose to use drugs and alcohol to help me not eat.

In other words, I wouldn't really say that I am a CRON practitioner 100% and the damage I have done to my body otherwise is going to take time to rebuild, so getting the flu is not saying that CRON is a failure and does not help to protect your immune system.

Robin had a small stomach bug, but she's got kids. Amy got strep; again she has kids. April had some sort of sickness that was very short lived. Emily had a stomach thing, but she did just fly half way across the planet and was probably stressed and exposed to many things.

Also, please do not forget; it's the season to get sick! This is when it happens and the science behind CRON never said you will never get sick. It's just a proven fact that people who practice, get sick less often and have stronger immune systems in general.