DAY NUMERO UNO

Okay so is this like take 3? Well I was slow to start, but today I really feel prepared to battle.

Here's what I have planned out for myself;

Breakfast (at home - shocker!):

1 cup Kashi Go Lean
1/2 cup Soy Milk

My plan was actually to get up and make a great veggie omelet, but sleep took priority this am.

Snack:

1/4 cup whole almonds
1/8 cup sunflower seeds
4 oz. no fat cottage cheese


Lunch:

215 grams turkey breast sauteed with
100 grams asparagus
tsp olive oil
soy sauce

Snack:

3 cups oil popped pop corn

Dinner:

It's not part of the nutritional data below, but will probably be a repeat of lunch or some baked tilapia that I have in the fridge. Possibly dinner out with friends, sushi, no rice!

Here's the crunch on things:

General (70%)

Calories 1135.1
Protein 91.8
Fat 51.1
Carbs 89.8
Fiber 22.9

*So here you can see that my fat is pretty high, but seems to be a lot of Omega-6. I need to back read some blogs and books and find out what's the best out come for the Omega-6,3 ratios.

Vitamins (73%)

A 64%
Folate 69%
B1 66%
B2 176%
B3 40%
B5 51%
B6 61%
B12 178%
C 49%
D 178%
E 77%
K 182%

*Still the B's that I have a problem with. I hate mushrooms!!! Although, the new girl in my life really likes them and I have eaten a few around her that were not so despicable. So, we shall see!

Minerals (90%)

Calcium 156%
Copper 161%
Iron 62%
Magnesium 109%
Manganese 177%
Phosphorus 170%
Potassium 37%
Selenium 136%
Sodium 180%
Zinc 99%

*Is Iron and Potassium that low something to be concerned about?

Lipids (51%)

Saturated 34%
Omega-3 36%
Omega-6 149%
Cholesterol 33%


As boring as this maybe for some people to read, I believe I have to post this daily. When I was doing this more regularly, I was more honest with myself and able to follow CR a bit more rigidly. You can easily see how the posting helps others. Look at how successful Robin is with her CR routine and look at her blog. She bares all.

Now, I have no shame in admitting that CR has helped me to loose extra pounds that I have packed on over the last couple of years. I really want to strictly adhere to my CR routine because by the end of the summer, I would like to have lost another 15 lbs. My trip home to NC is scheduled for the 2nd weekend in September and that's plenty of healthy time to loose the weight and feel great about it!

Okay all, have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend!

30 DAY CHALLENGE (TAKE 2)

Okay so my challenge has not going as well as I thought it maybe and I have been searching for reasons and answers as to why I am having such difficulty getting back into the grove of CR. Then I read http://www.crdiary.blogspot.com/ Mary's blog today and things started to make a bit more sense for me.

"This is a big mind shift for me. You have to quit eating just for it's own sake, eating as entertainment - to do CR. You must eat to feel good afterwards. If you do this, you will do good CR and feel really good about yourself as well"

I definitely agree that you should enjoy what you eat and eating with friends and family is just as entertaining as it is nutritionally necessary or fulfilling. However, what Mary says makes a lot of sense. (read the post) She battled with a taco salad, eating more and more of the shell the more often she ate the salad. Tasty, but made her feel really crappy. When she prepared herself and packed a healthy homemade salad for lunch, she not only was completely satisfied with what the ate, but she physically and mentally felt better.

Lately, I have been battling with taco salad too. Well maybe not, but I have been battling with pasta, bagels for breakfast, peanut butter, etc. I am not eating too terribly unhealthy, but I am not paying attention. I am not recording. I am not being attentive to whether or not I am getting adequate nutrition. AND I feel like crap. I am extremely exhausted at work. I am struggling to get out of the bed in the morning. My mind is fuzzy and unfocused.

And why? When I know better, why do I chose to eat the things I know make me feel like this?

"I've eaten too many things for the fun of eating them - even though I didn't feel my best afterwards...."

So true. So very true. For the fun, the comfort, the ease, whatever.

Okay so let's start this 30 day challenge over.

FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS I WILL:

Record and track all intake using COM
Maintain a calorie level of 1600/day (give or take a couple)
Reduce alcohol intake by 50%
Have only 1 Diet Coke per day
Have only 1 Coffee per day
Take a full 1 hour lunch in the park or at home daily
Morning yoga routine 3 times per week, minimum
Take the stairs. No elevator use in my office (which is broken down 1/2 the time anyways)

Thanks, Mary for posting what you did. I needed to hear your story and excitement this morning!

30 DAY CHALLENGE

Hey guys! Thanks so much for all your comments yesterday. Definitely got the ball rolling in my mind. I am not able to continue that post as of yet, but stay tuned.

I really wanted to post a challenge to myself here. As you all know, April was vacation month for me and it's been weeks since my return, but I am having a really hard time getting back into the smooth groove of CR and other general things in life. So, I am hoping to put into print some really basic principles to stick to and rely on the encouragement and support of my fellow CR bloggers, to help me regain my focus.

So here it is;

FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS I WILL:

• Record and track all intake using COM
• Maintain a calorie level of 1600/day (give or take a couple)
• Reduce alcohol intake by 50%
• Have only 1 Diet Coke per day
• Have only 1 Coffee per day
• Take a full 1 hour lunch in the park or at home daily
• Morning yoga routine 3 times per week, minimum
• Take the stairs. No elevator use in my office (which is broken down 1/2 the time anyways)

So, I have no problem admitting that I have enjoyed my CRON experience, not only for the feeling of it, but also for the physical plus. Since being off the CRON wagon, I have not necessarily gained any weight, as a matter fact, I have continued to loose or stabilized for the most part. However, I do not feel as mentally sharp. My moods swing a bit differently and I have been battling a bit of cold. I really miss the way that I felt when I was practicing CRON (or my version of CRON) strictly.

So there you have it!

In other news; I found a huge bag of frozen artichoke hearts in my freezer. Any idea what I can make with that?

BLOGGER HELL

I woke up this morning thinking I would share a song with you all. I noticed yesterday that Mary had posted a www.youtube.com video on her site and I thought, brilliant. However, being somewhat technically challenged, I couldn't make it work.

So, here's a link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd3dgB_ocQs

This song is great and will certainly get your feet tapping a bit this morning!

Okay so now that music has been shared, what else?

I have been thinking a lot lately about a post I have been wanting to write. I just have not taken the time to do the proper research and writing. So, I have another idea. Why not throw out a simple statement and see how the peanut gallery reacts. Maybe this will motivate me a bit.

So I read this;

"Sitting down to dinner is a trap, not something to enjoy."

-Julia Child circa 1989

How does that statement make you feel?

DIRTY LAUNDRY

Yes, I have tons and yes I need to take care of it.

However, this post is not really about dirty laundry, but missing laundry. You see.....

I drop my laundry at the corner wash house and pay per pound to have it washed, dried and neatly folded each week. I have been going to the same place since I moved into this new apartment in September. I really liked these people, until....

My favorite pair of jeans is missing AND my favorite T shirt, too!!!

These were the jeans that I blogged about earlier, finally being able to fit into them again and loving them!! I have worn these jeans nearly everyday since late January. Okay, not everyday, because that would just be gross, but you get my drift.

I am beginning to question my loyalty. After all there are wash houses on every corner in this town!

So the last week and half without my jeans has been kind of rough. I have had to really search through and dig through my closet to find the perfect fit. No such luck. However this morning....

I dug out an old pair of jeans that I like to refer to as "the bone crusher". These jeans are so f ing tight. So tight that the few times I did wear them, I had to give up breathing, sitting, eating, anything that would cause pain.

Well this morning I pulled them out and thought, let's just see.

THE JEANS FREAKIN FIT!

So I know I am doing something right as far as loosing the extra pounds I packed on. Now I really need to get focused on tracking through COM better and focusing on the ON.

In other news, I read that Miss M will be leaving us. I love reading your post and will be sorry to see you leave.

Seems like everyone is slowing down a bit on the blogs here. I read a lot about how people feel like it interferes with their life and I remember feeling that way one time before when I was really allowing blogger to interfere with my work. For me, I just had to learn how put aside a certain amount of time per day for blogger and stick with it. My schedule for the last month has been a little sticky with vacation and this new romantic interest, but I will get back into posting and reading more often. I heart my blogger (CR) friends! So to all those that are holding back or disappearing completely, please keep in touch. Email or a comment from time to time!

VACATION FROM MY VACATION


Not really, but it would have been nice. Someone told me once that you actually need 3 times the length of your vacation to really enjoy it. My vacation was 10 days and the saying is right. I prepped hard for a good 10 days prior to my vacation (stressful), I actually vacationed for 10 days, and I have been in a state of recovery ever since (more than 10 days!).

I have not completely bounced back into CR at the moment. I haven't even really had a good shopping trip to restock. I came home to a few CR staples; egg whites, almonds, yogurt. Now, most of those have run out and the other holes have not been filed either. I made a mad dash to the store one evening, but it was the store in my neighborhood that is packed full of processed, frozen trash and sugary sodas. I think I did pretty good though. I bought whole wheat bread, some canned tuna and white beans, sliced low fat deli turkey and a few pieces of fruit.

Last week I ate mostly sandwiches at lunch in the park with a piece of fruit and low cal egg white salad for breakfast. Dinner was usually a stir fry or simple soup. I know that my caloric intake has been decently low, but I have not been up to par on the ON part of things. I am not worried. At least I can see a change in my poor eating habits. I just need to some time to properly plan and get back on track.

The good news to this all;

I have been out of sorts and at home at lot less because I have met someone. I actually met her in March at a bar when out on the town with my friends that were visiting from NC. We chatted it up quite a bit and then met up again last weekend when I got back from my trip. That weekend was fabulous and so was the past. She lives in DC, so it's harder for us to see each other more often. The distance certainly sucks, but I know is healthy for me in the long term. I am sure you all have heard the lesbian joke....

"What do lesbian bring on a first date?"

A U HAUL!!!!

HA!

So life is good! Just gotta get the dog and the CR up to speed.

Okay enough posting. More later, going to read what everyone else is up to!

CR TROUBLE IN THE DR

Hey gang! Thanks for all your well wishes while I was away and yes, the vacation was a total blast. Pics to come soon!!

Highlights:

White water rafting, but first getting a bee sting in my butt on the trip up the mountain. Cool mountain water was a great fix for that one!

Waterfall jumping. Not one, but 7!!! Hilariously lost my shorts on the way up. Good times!

The most beautiful, sandy beaches I have ever seen. Really, they were amazing. One of the one's we visited was just voted one of the top 10 in the Caribbean and is still very natural and untouched. The bad news, a South African resort company has purchased all of it. I feel very blessed to have seen that beach before the destruction.

Almost no other American tourist! Most people that were visiting were French or Italian. Friendly folks! We were really there just after peak tourist season, so on most days, we had our lovely guides to ourselves and were not bombarded with huge crowds. It was as if we had the whole place to ourselves (well, plus the natives!).

FRESH FISH!! As in caught and cooked right on the beach.

The last 5 days that we were there, we stayed in a great little beach front cabana with a "full" (but small) kitchen. I could have done a bit better with CR, but really it just got totally thrown out of the window. I did cook breakfast everyday and it was fairly healthy. Typically scrambled eggs, fruit, and papas (potatoes). Lunch was typically sandwiches (great little Italian deli in the area) and dinner some sort of fish or pasta.

I didn't keep track of anything and the worst part of it all; beverages. Bottled water was not always available and you can not drink the tap water, because it's just filtered ocean water and still way too salty. Diet soda, forget about it. Many days I had anything from juice, to Pepsi or even a pino colado.

Oh well, it's vacation, right?!?! Now trying to get back on track.

Things have gone pretty well since my return. Actually, things have been great! Not necessarily relating to CR, but in general. My boss and I have been getting along very well at work (awesome!), I had a date (freaking amazing woman!) , met a new friend, my dog is looking great and healthy, etc. etc. Now, I just need to get some rest and get focused.

So fill me in. How's everyone doing? I have been trying to catch up on all that I missed on your blogs, but dang that's a lot of reading.

RESURFACING, BUT NOT FOR LONG


No (but thanks for asking) I have not left for my vacation as of yet. I actually leave tomorrow bright and early and will return the following Thursday. HELLS YES, I am excited!!

Wrapping up the week and getting prepared for this trip have proven to be a bit time consuming, not to say that my mother's last minute visit had anything to do with that (HA!). Pabst is all good to go. He fortunately gets to go back home for a visit with his bio mommy and seems to be quite excited about that.

Good news. Since my digital camera got stolen, I have been a bit in the dumps and obviously a bit less colorful. My mom has loaned me her's, so get ready for beachy cool pics.

I agree with Deb. CR bloggie traffic seems to be a bit low. So give us a shout, ya'll! What's everyone been up to lately?? Anyone fallen off the CR wagon (slightly beginning to raise my own hand)?? Boyfriends? Husbands? School? Work? Tell it!

Yo Emily!!!! If you are out there, give us a sign. March 20th? That was like eons ago. Miss you and hope you are well!

Hazel, your once a week plan makes perfect sense. Blogger addiction is serious. As a matter of fact, I am thinking of starting a support group. No doubt, I will get addicted to the support as well. Sheesh!

For all the others; Deb, Christina, April, and other daily bloggers - Thanks so much for keeping the fire burning! I look forward to reading many more post.

Okay guys! Have a wonderful week and keep warm!

PS: April.....you need a vacation.....sure you don't want to hop in my suitcase?

GRATITUDE


There are SO many things to be grateful for. I could make a list a mile long, but here I will post my CR gratitude.

I am grateful for:

Egg Whites
Almonds
Veggie Proteins
CR bloggers (you know who you are!)
Cron O Meter
Skinny Jeans that finally fit!


Okay so you get the idea. I am just feeling a profound sense of gratitude and learning that positive energy attracts positive energy. Keeping my spirits up and reflecting the negative keep me on a good CR track. Nothing worse that eating pizza because your boss pissed you off and you just felt crappy and "aw fuck it" all over.

Have a great weekend!!!

IN NEED OF A DR. PHIL MOMENT


Thanks so much to the "Divine Miss M" for writing and sharing her very personal feelings yesterday. http://divine-miss-m.blogspot.com/ Please, everyone should read this post. I really NEEDED to read this post myself.

I wanted desperately to post yesterday and just SCREAM about how much I absolutely hated my job, but most importantly my boss. My boss and I are at times very close, like pals, actually even flat mates (we live in the same building, different apartments). We are with each other SO much during the day and night that sometimes I think we are married. It's odd. Every meal we have together, morning coffee, we say good night to each other, the only exception, I guess would be sex. (obviously joking!)

To sort of tie this into Miss M's post, here's a sample of what she wrote;

"When my partner does something that irritates me, which happens a lot because our personalities are pretty much orthogonal to each other, I try to 1. think through what just happened, maybe have a little whinge about it if I'm in a space where that can be done without goading him or getting myself into a negative spiral (i.e. online), 2. decide if I can deal with it now or not, then 3. put it aside if I can't. What's the negative spiral? That's the place where I keep going over things in my head endlessly without anything changing. I try to set a time limit so I don't do that. Why? Because I've learned there's very little in life we have actual control over, especially when it comes to other people. I've carried around a lot of anger/guilt until the penny dropped... I can't change the past. I can't change someone else's actions or thoughts. I can only change myself and it's going to be hard enough work doing that."

My boss has been irritating me a lot lately. His attitude, his priorities, his choices, his seemingly paranoid ways. I am just absolutely irritated with him all the time lately and I think that all these things he does or is effects me in some way.

I have been doing great with CR lately. Absolutely great, especially after my relaxing weekend at home. Well yesterday was one of those annoying as hell boss days. My food intake was right on the mark. I had packed a beautiful lunch, but did I eat it? HELL NO. I was harboring a lot of anger and resentment for him yesterday, went out to grab a diet Mt. Dew and grabbed a slice of greasy pizza with it. Now the pizza grabbing in my mind became his fault too. If he didn't stress me out so much, I could cope and eat right.

Ridiculous? Well it took me reading Miss M's post to realize how ridiculous I was being. I have to be able to separate his life from mine a bit better. I have to realize the mistakes he makes in business, his personal life, etc. are his and not mine. Although they may frustrate me, it honestly does impact my life either way. I guess if he chose to run the company to the ground, I would be without a job, but I am sure I would bounce back quickly or have plenty of fair warning and be able to move on, no sweat.

I need to be able to let things go. That is something too I am working on with my AA sponsor. I am at the very early stages of sobriety and have yet to really work the 12 steps, but I am eager to do so. I am ready to fill my "tool box", too.

Yesterday didn't end so bad on the eating front. Even with my pizza, I ended my day around 1600 calories, which I probably needed, however a bit more nutrition wouldn't have hurt! The two prior days I was around 1300 and April tells me based on my height and current weight, I need 1600 to stay healthy. I have lost a bit of weight again, bringing my yearly total to 21 lbs. I have so much to be thankful for.

Thanks so much to Miss M and to the other supportive CRON bloggers.

COM CRASH

So I kinda procrastinated on doing the most recent COM update. Sometimes my laptop wireless connection is slow, I leave COM open 24/7 and just didn't think it was all too important.

Well COM let me know just how important it was by giving me some silly error message and wiping out all my data!!!

Has this happened to anyone else? Does anyone suggest a back up system of some sort?

The good news, the oreo's have disappeared from my COM data base forever, but so has all the other good bits too.

Starting over!

CILANTRO AND MORE CILANTRO



I am so jealous of the girls that were able to go meet with April this weekend. Although close, there was just no way I could make it and ended up having a much needed relaxing weekend.
Good thing, as this last week at work before my departure to the Dominican Republic is going to be crazy busy.

Saturday, Pabst and I slept in until about 10 am!! This is absolutely unheard of for me, but oops I did it again on Sunday too. We went out for a nice long walk and got home around 1 pm. After that, our day was filled (or mine rather) with some good old scrubbing. I had not had a chance to really scrub down the apartment since my friend's had come up to visit the weekend before, so it was really needed. I guess I was in "spring" cleaning mode, because I did everything, down to the windows and even scrubbed the floors and base boards by hand. I love Murphy's Oil Soap!!

Then I had to run errands, go to the bank, etc and ended my day with a 7 pm AA meeting at the gay and lesbian center.

I crashed with popcorn when I got home. Not a 100% nutritious snack, but filling and not too bad on the calories, especially home popped, no butter added.

Today was CR prep day after our usual long morning walk. I do SO much better when I have taken time on Sunday to plan, prepare, and cook for the following week. Here are some of the highlights;

Roasted Veggies
Gazpacho (thanks Em)
Green Cakes (thanks April)
Crust less Pumpkin Pie
Broiled Turkey Burgers
Broiled Turkey Breast
Egg White Salad

Just about everything had cilantro added. It was on sale and beautiful and I love the flavor! Waste not want not. I am also going to make a bok choi, cabbage, and collard soup when I get home tonight. These are all made with 2-4 servings and will last through the week without worry of spoiling. Some is frozen and some in the fridge.

I am proud of what I did today. I have even sort of planned things out in the COM, too. So I really do not even have to think. Just look it up, pack it, and go!

Well I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend. I can't wait to read everyone else's post about the CR girls weekend. THANKS again for the support!

TIRED, TIRED, TIRED

That's my theme for the last week. I am just plain old tired!!! I attribute the lethargic feeling to eating pretty crappy. I have easily been able to maintain a calorie level below 1600-1700 calories per day, but I am a wee bit (or miles) away from the "ON".

Here's the break down of crappy foods:

Sugar in my coffee
Milk in my coffee
1 slice of pizza
peanut butter and jelly on a pita
Cheese nips

Now I didn't go over board with anything and I know this is vast improvement from where I used to be, but still I would like to live life without these distractions. I guess what is also SO frustrating is that I know I have the will power to resist these things and they are not a necessity. I just have been on a pity party path, thinking I need or deserve these items because I am stressed or tired or frustrated.

Things at work have been loosening up a bit. Mostly because I have been speaking my mind a bit. My boss and I got into an argument about a project that he has been expecting me to finish. I have been waiting on a bit of direction from him. Actually our last agreement was that after his vacation we would meet and discuss the expectations of the project and then I would finish it. I think in his haste he forgot that discussion and just assumed the project would be finished. When I pointed this out, things were okay and we got to work on our discussion. I would never do this before. I would just be pissed off, harboring ill feelings. So I am glad to see a change taking place and it certainly lightens the burden a bit.

I am also feeling a bit better about my recovery. My sponsor and I have come to terms a bit better on our expectations of each other and communication is becoming slowly easier for me. I am forcing myself to really rely on the program and not just be a fly on the wall at meetings.

With a bit of needed rest this weekend and time to focus on preparing some simple dishes that can be used throughout the week, I am hopeful that next week will be a bit easier at fighting off those pity cravings. It's one day at a time for me.

THE EGG WHITES ARE BACK!!!

I have no idea why, but I really like to ask people for advice and find ways to defy them. April has told me time and time again, that in her opinion an egg white breakfast has been the foundation to her good healthy CR daily routine. I did the whole egg white thing for the first month I was doing CR and then slowly just stopped having breakfast all together.

However, now I am noticing that not having a solid CR breakfast and going into the evening at a lower calorie level is leading to those nightly sugar cravings as well. When I was in my egg white routine, I hardly ever wanted anything to eat at night. Now, I always want something, so I end up having a late dinner and an even later snack.

I work late hours and stay out of the house even later at my AA meetings. I would like from now on to have an early breakfast, high in protein, good fats and a decent calorie punch, a good lunch and healthy snacks during day and maybe skip dinner all together. It just doesn't make sense to me to have dinner at 9 pm. I can probably fit all my calories in by time I leave my office at 7 pm. Just requires more packing and preparing, but I am used to that now.

Another thing:

VEGGIES!!

I have been anti veg for the last week or so. I really have a hard time cooking them and liking them. I am out of salad mode, unless it is made at a restaurant. What is that all about? The one time I cook veggies and actually like them is when I make soup and now that it's starting to get warmer, I am less likely to be fond of eating soup.

Recipes anyone?

BLOGGER CONFESSIONS



Why do we blog? Why do we share our stories of success and "failure"? Maybe the Catholics were on to something with that whole confessional thing. I dunno. Not into organized religion myself, but I do find that the more I admit to myself and to others my rights and wrongs, the clearer the path to success becomes. It's easier to recognize where I have failed and how I can fix or repair the situation.

I could write a book of confessions from this past weekend. I had friends in town visiting from NC and things got crazy. We had a freakin blast, which I desperately needed and although typically I would harbor regrets for some of my actions, I have none.

So obviously when you have friends in town, you eat out. So, we ate out and I honestly didn't pay attention to what I was eating. It was so weird because my friends were here, but my boss/dispatch manager was out of town, so I was having to maintain my regular duties as well as run the whole company. Time was just all out of whack. When we ate, it was so random. I have been on such a really strict schedule and routine of eating (okay aside from some of those early sober oreo nights). I ate things like a burger, some fries, some nachos (disgusting), I had sugar in my coffee, a pop tart. A lot of weird food.

However, I did get my exercise. This weekend, I transformed into.....

THE DANCING QUEEN!!!!

Yeah, that's me, the Dancing Queen.

I have not been out dancing in SO long. I used to dance all the time, but my last relationship was with a woman that didn't and honestly, really couldn't dance and after our breakup, I really haven't been out much in a "dancing" scene.

Not only the dancing, but we did a good bit of walking. Really not as much walking as I am used to. We traveled around by train and car quite a bit because the sidewalks were so bad and it was SO cold.

So pop tart or not, at least I burned a few extra calories.

----------------

Confession # 101

I drank this weekend. Nothing too terrible and I do not even really feel guilty about falling off the wagon, but I did drink and I did loose my 32 day count.

I feel really mixed about this. I didn't get too crazy, didn't do any drugs, didn't spend my rent money on buying the whole bar shots, but I did drink. I felt like I had a lot of control this weekend, but my past tells me this will not last. I know how I am. I know that I am "allergic" to alcohol and even though this weekend was successful, it won't last.

But, GOD I HAD FUN!!!!

COMING UP ON 30 SOMETHING.....

I read Emily's blog today and suddenly realized I am no longer in my early 20's. Saying I am in my early 20's is no longer a legitimate excuse for not having my life exactly in order, still playing video games, and not being settled or grounded or whatever those stupid standards of "grown up" are that I have invented in my mind.

It's sad to say good bye to my early 20's and the crutch of the early 20's excuses. However, it is time to start realizing that I am not always going to be in my 20's and that the older I get the more time will fly by on me. So many anxieties and thoughts come to mind. I am excited to grow a bit older, but dread loosing my youthfulness. I look forward to the future, but fear my life is meaningless or not "put together" as it should be. The idea of being young and having lots of time ahead of us is pleasant in so many ways, but scary at the same time. I am not THAT young anymore and as I said earlier, time is getting harder to hold on to. The pace of our busy lives speeds the hands of the clock and next thing you know you are 30 or 40 or maybe even 50.

I remember thinking that 30 was so far away, but now 30 is only 3 1/2 years away. 3 1/2 years used to seem like a life time when you were counting the days until you graduated, but when you are looking back at how over night you became 26, 3 1/2 years seems like a flash.

You know when I am 30, my nephew will be 5 years old. What will he have to say of his aunt at 5 years old? Will he know me when he is 5? No, will he really know me? Will I ever learn to take the time out of my life to make time to spend with him? Or how bout my then 3 year old niece?

Will I finally own a home at 30? Will I be living in Brooklyn at 30? Will I still be with this company when I am 30? Well, God only knows what will become of me over the next 3 1/2 years. I have to live in the day and do the best I can for myself each day.

How does this relate to CR? Well, I am not really 100% sure, but I do know this; at the age of 30, I hope to be a CR practitioner. I hope that over the course of the next 3 1/2 years, I will continue on my CR journey, learning more of the scientific data, becoming more comfortable with my CR diet, exercising, supplementing, etc. I hope that CR has become my life and not so much a practice. I want CR to be just as natural as Friday pizza night used to be in my life.

You know when I go to AA meetings, I am always greeted by a group of like minded alcoholics that have their (pardon my french) shit together. But what does it mean to say that you have your shit together? I mean, I have a good job, a great apartment, friends, a loving family, and the best darn dog in all of Brooklyn. Just as I am writing this post, I am realizing that all the things I thought had to be in place by time I was 30, kinda are. That's a great feeling.

Why is it that I want more? Why is that I can not recognize and appreciate how great my life is? I guess honestly I know that between the lines lies some issues I know I need to work on, but I have to remember that life is an on going learning process. I am not going to wake up one day 30 and life be perfect.

Okay enough useless rambling....

RETRACTION

Okay, so yesterday I said I would join in on the 90 day challenge with Robin and Jake to "get in shape". I think I have to retract that statement.

After a lot of thought last night, pros and cons listed out, reading comments from other readers, etc. I came to the conclusion that it's just simply impossible. My daily routine, no matter what I do will not allow for a structured routine exercise program as of yet.

For instance, yesterday I left my house at 7 am, walked to work, worked all day until about 6:15 and then went to my nightly AA meeting. After I left my meeting, I walked back to work to pick up the pooch, and headed home. When I finally got home it was 8:30 pm. Then had to feed the dog, walk him again, feed myself, plan for today's food, make time for a phone call, do some reading and pass out.

My days are long enough right now. My days are filled with physical activity too. I used an online calculator to try and determine just how much exercise I am getting. Based on my current weight, the pace and time of my walks, I am burning somewhere around 175-200 calories each time I walk. That's not half bad. Not bad at all. Here are my list of walks per day:

To work is about 20 minutes or 1.3 miles

Lunch with the pooch. 30 minutes, I have no idea how far.

Pre meeting walk with pooch. Again 30 minutes, I have no idea how far.

To and from a meeting (doesn't really count because it's only a matter of a few blocks)

Home again is about 20 minutes or 1.3 miles.


I am probably averaging about 4-4.5 miles per day.

Now, I know that does nothing for toning up my arms or abs, but I have my weekends to focus on that if I choose, or I can choose to be lazy. My biggest fear of not getting enough needed rest and relaxation is burning out. My alcohol recovery has to be my number one in life right now and I believe the added stress and pressure of an exercise routine is just too much. Call it a cop out if you like, but I know my priorities.

One thing I am going to add to my monthly routine is my old cycling club. They have 2-3 organized rides per month that usually include a dinner or breakfast. I am doing this mostly for some fun social events. Not drinking and being around my beer buddy's has caused me to become a bit antisocial. These events will provide me with some great exercise and some good friends.

Okay enough rambling. To all a good day!

90 DAYS

Okay why does everything that is good for revolve around 90 days? 90 meetings in 90 days, good for sobriety. 90 days of exercising, good for the beach body beautiful contest. HA!

So, I decided to take Jake up on the 90 day challenge, and Robin too! I asked Robin where to sign up and she said, duh, just post it on your blog.

Here, I go. Jake, I accept your challenge!!!

Okay here is my plan:

Mornings before work: 30 minute walk/run with Pabst

After work: 30 minute walk/run with Pabst

3 days a week: 30 minute yoga

4 days a week: Choice between 30 Pilate's or 30 minute abs

Okay so I am cheating a bit. The walk/run thing with the dog I already do, but sometimes no run and sometimes short walks. So my promise is to do a full 30 minutes and to step up the run part little by little each week. Carry a stop watch with me and document the progress.

The yoga and Pilate's is a video I have, or I can opt to go to one of the classes at the YMCA. The ab thing is something I learned from a personal trainer a while ago and it's still in my memory. Oh boy I will be sore!! Can't wait!!

MONDAY

So another weekend under the belt. Weekend was good. I did a lot of sleeping and resting, as well as some cooking and planning. I didn't step foot into my office, take a single work related phone call, nor did I check my work email.

I have been averaging around 1450 calories per day for the last week or so and it seems to be paying off. I have been able to easily shake off any sugar cravings and have allowed myself treats when I can.

Being more grounded in my caloric intake, I can focus a bit more on the nutritional side of things as well. I am finding easy ways to up my calcium and Vitamin D and K intake and am now just struggling a bit with B vitamins. Everything else seems to fall into play nicely now.

Apples. I have been hooked on apples this weekend. It all started when I read this website talking about easy ways to reduce your daily caloric intake. This guys example was that there was no way in heck you could eat 2000 calories of apples per day, but could easily consume that many calories through a bag of chips or some chocolate. So, I bought some beautiful gala apples at the market over the weekend and snacked on them with babybel FF cheese. Delicious and decadent. The apples are perfect. Huge and firm. Tart, but sweet. Juicy and did I say DELICIOUS?!! Apples and cheese will be my snack for today too. I am getting that mouth watering excitement now just thinking about it!

Everything is as follows:

Breakfast: 16 oz black coffee
1/4 cup almonds
1/8 cup sunflower seeds

Snack: 4 oz. FF cottage cheese
96 grams celery
98 grams baby carrots

Lunch: Turkey Chili (YUM)
1 tablespoon FF sour cream
1 dannon light and fit

Snack: Gala Apple
2 pieces of babybel FF cheese

That brings me up just below 1000. I will have a coffee at my evening meeting and follow that with some bok choy and turkey stir fry for dinner. Followed by either yogurt or cereal snack, time permitting.

Okay gang, well good luck to everyone on yet another new week.

SUCCESS AND SUPPORT

How big of a role does support play in being successful? Are you any more likely to obtain something or succeed at a goal if you go it alone or with a group of like minded individuals?

In my personal opinion and with no scientific evidence or proof, I think we are much more likely to succeed at virtually anything we set our minds to when we rely on the help and support of others that either believe in what we are doing or are also attempting the same task.

I have grown up bull headed, falsely independent, and stubborn. I have never liked to rely on the support and advice of others. Admitting the need for help and support was a sure sign of weakness.

I am learning through my current CRON experience and through my AA readings (can't say meetings because I am still a bit stubborn and haven't been) that accepting support, help, faith, what have you is very important. Finding a strength in something that is greater than yourself to carry you through the pitfalls and down days really makes the difference between success and something a little less than success.

These daily blogs that people read, write and comment on are a major part of my recovery as an alcoholic and as a someone that has led a less than healthy lifestyle. I rely on this blog to fess up about my poor habits and to receive support on how to pick myself back up. I rely on readers. I rely on the other blogs writers. I rely on the comments. A bit abnormal to some people that do not struggle with the same things, I will admit. But it works for me.

Thank you all to the other CRON bloggers that are out their sharing your experiences from day to day, whether it be a WaWa egg white crisis or office gak foods staring you down. I can relate and learn from your experiences the tools necessary to make CRON successful for me.

It's the beginning of a small (but weird) online family. No matter what the crisis, your CRON blogger friends can step in, leave a comment, maybe a :) on your blog and all is right with the world. Fertility, exercise, boyfriend and girlfriend problems, work issues, etc., etc., etc. The list goes on and on.

I'm in awe at much some of you care about your fellow bloggers. It's special and a bit sappy (or maybe that's just me!).